Personal

this week has been a little nutty. a to do list so long it could never be complete. so much to do and not enough time. am paying my dues now, before we leave on a little adventure. hoping for time to reflect, rest and decompress. this morning we took time to do something not on our list. headed south to watch our nephews play some ball. as we were driving i said "this is the last thing we should be doing right now". then i pictured their faces when we would arrive at the field and said "but i don’t really care!" an extra special treat was my parent’s cute and chubby corgi named abby was there. she came along to help cheer the boys on. if she can lose that four extra pounds, we may be able to get her a little cheerleader skirt for football season. now i am thinking that doing this blog post is the last thing i should be doing. let’s not tell the to do list. when times get busy, i often think of this page in one of my favorite books………

the first thirty-four things on my mind today:
from "messy thrilling life" by sabrina ward harrison

"keep up, keep up
improve, more, better, faster
there is the gym and pilates
and a studio to pay for
and more and more paper
and ink piling up
and the memory of jenny read to hold
and susan to visit
and a home to pick up
and sex to be had
and an office that needs a system, to keep it intact
and money to keep making, to keep it all happening
and paintings to be making
and notes of landscapes and horses
and photos to print and negatives to file
and jeans to fit into
and a city to move away from
and a new beginning all over again
and the bachelor to watch
and car insurance to get
and  medicine to refill
and a relationship to care for
and old friends to write to
and a sister to love
and 3 weddings to go to and a future to plan and a story to tell my grandparents
and a cheaper cell phone service
and an ex-love to forget and a bookkeeper to find
a therapist to meet and horses to find
and printer ink to refill"

i’m so lucky to have a special room full of my favorite things. a place to play, a creative space. but until recently my room has been a frustrating mess. this past year it has been rearranged, reorganized, messed up,cleaned and then messed up again. with my busy schedule it had become my dumping spot. when people would visit i would close the door tight and announce that my room was closed to the public.

jon understands how badly i want a cool clean studio. as a special treat he often cleans it for me. it is always a surprise, just like the "while you were out" tv show. this has been my anniversary, birthday and valentine gifts. he has often cleaned it "just because" for no special reason. i have gone to bed at 1:00am frustrated with my mess and the next morning awakened to a perfectly clean room. the room redo is usually accompanied with flowers and sweet note encouraging me to be more creative. telling me to give more time to myself. each time he does this my heart melts and i feel like one very lucky girl!

problem is a few days later, it’s a big mess all over again! since i haven’t set it up and i don’t know where things go, it just becomes the mess it was before. i recently bought a book on how to make charms by sally jean. inside there were photos of her studio. it was full of romance, shiny details and antique blue treasures. ideas and inspiration started to brew. i leaped into a room redo without much thought or planning. i pulled furniture and favorite things from other rooms. i dug through boxes in the basement. i saved my distressed dresser from the giveaway pile. i went to the thrift store and antique store to find containers. and i treated myself to a yummy candle, a new rug and a turquoise mirror.

am feeling a little nerdy about posting photos of my room. but I was so excited, i felt the need to share. am proud to report that it has been 10 days and my room is still organized. am a bit worried about messing it up again. but i’m eager for a different kind of mess. no more clothes and shoes, bags of books and piles of bills. am ready for a fabulous creative mess of pretty paper scraps, sticky brushes and sweet photographs.

while cleaning away last week, i thought about my childhood room. it was usually a disaster zone. my mom would let it go for so long. then the hammer would come down. she would take everything in my room and make a huge pile right in the middle. once she even posted a notice on my door from the "gilson health department". the letter informed me that my room had been condemned until the pile was cleared and the room was clean. it stated "if the tenant (ms. heather gilson) does not comply she will be put on restriction until further notice." the huge pile and official notice completely freaked me out! i started cleaning immediately. i arranged my stuffed animals and plastic model horses on my bookshelf. on the walls i hung my latch hook horse rug and michael jackson poster. i even tidied up my fort under the bed. once it was all done i asked if i could eat dinner alone in my new room. as i sat in my little rocking chair with dinner in my lap, watching my very own fuzzy black and white television, i admired my new room. i thought about how much i enjoyed  having it clean and how i wished it could magically stay like that forever.

(i kind of feel like that little girl right now.)